No Homo Intended
by SummerBummin
Summary: Crime Sorciere YouTuber au where Meredy and gender fluid! Midnight get nominated for a chapstick challenge, much to their amusement. (They swear it was totally platonic smooching) For day 3 of #ftlgbtales' event "when we take different paths" gender ids week! Prompt: pronouns


"Hello everybody! It's Maguilty Hearts!" Meredy made a heart symbol with her hands, holding it above her chest as she grinned at the camera, and the host of subscribers who were watching the livestream.

The camera had a viewing screen, which Meredy had rotated back towards them so they could see how they looked. It showed the top half of Meredy, wearing cat ear headphones around her neck and a galaxy print crop top. The screen also gave full view to the mural on the back wall, decorated with flowers, kittens, rainbows, and a shit ton of glitter.

"...And with me is a special guest," She grinned, full of conspiracy, her eyes peeking to the side at her collab partner. "Midnight Sleeps! Say hi Midnight."

Midnight leaned into view, a hand half raised in the air. "Hi."

Midnight was decked out in their usual black eyeliner, mascara, and choker, all accompanied with a tank top reading "nap club" and a picture of a sleeping Snorlax underneath the letters. Midnight wasn't wearing any of their usual black lipstick so their lips could get the, full chapstick experience.

"In this collab, we will be doing the chapstick challenge by request of our lovely subscribers." The pink haired girl gestured to the assortment of flavored chapsticks on the coffee table in front of them. "If you don't know what the chapstick challenge is, it's when you close your eyes and kiss your partner and then try and guess what flavor chapstick is on their lips."

Midnight grinned, looking up at her camera through dark lashes. "And I intend to taste each and every one of them."

Meredy laughed at the teasing. No doubt it would give Jellal a heart attack when he saw this later. They might even have to get a restraining order.

"There are a few rules I'm gonna lay down because Midnight is a cheater."

"It's true." They admitted.

"One," She held up a finger. "No peeking, obviously." She held up a second finger. "Two, no smelling, your taste buds are being tasted not your sense of smell. So no sniffing."

"Or snorting?" Midnight asked, laughter in their voice.

Meredy side eyed them. "No snorting either."

Midnight had the gall to pretend to look disappointed, and Meredy was reminded of their high school theatre background. Midnight's turn from a depressed kid, to an over dramatic goth with a sense of dark humor. Having to read Shakespeare did that to a person.

"And three. Have fun! I nominate my waifu, The Rain Woman, to participate in this challenge!" She winked at the camera. "This is your chance to finally kiss you-know-who! Have fun, Juvia!"

Oh, she would kill Meredy for this later. Definitely kill her. Meredy should probably invest in some home security.

Midnight made a face. "Why would she wanna kiss Voldemort? He fugly."

"You know what I mean." Meredy playfully bumped their shoulder and Midnight bumped her right back.

"And I nominate Cobra." Midnight smirked, knowing full well Cobra would hate them for it. Pissing off Cobra was one of the great joys in their life, Midnight claimed, it was one of the few thing that helped their crippling depression.

"Have fun you two!" Meredy told the camera, already laughing as her mind imagined her friend's fuming faces.

"I call going first!" Midnight proclaimed, sweeping the neatly arranged chapsticks into Meredy's adventure time tote bag. BMO's square face smiling cutely up at them.

"Hey! What about ladies first?" Meredy pouted, jutting out her lower lip.

She knew Midnight wasn't a girl at the moment because she had asked what pronouns to use before the video started, and Midnight had told her to use they-them.

Midnight's gender fluidity was a part of their charm, they switched between genders like a person changed clothes, sometimes faster. Midnight's gender changed so often that it was almost chaotic. But the change pace was different for everyone so Meredy didn't ask, only changed to their preferred pronouns as requested.

"What about guests first?" Midnight countered, and when Meredy scowled they boop-ed her nose. "Now eyes closed missy."

Meredy huffed but did as told, a moment later she heard Midnight start digging through the bag.

"Ooh now this flavor is gonna be in-ter-est-ing." Midnight cooed, breaking down the last word for emphasis.

Meredy was squirming in her seat, legs kicking back and forth as she waited. "Hurry up already!"

"Hold your horses, miss eager beaver. I'm putting it on." They smacked their lips. "Gotta get enough flavor."

"Don't doubt my chapstick connoisseur skills, I happened to eat a lot of this stuff as a kid. I once ate so much that the doctors had to pump my stomach." She stated, her nose in the air.

"And your proud of that?" Midnight asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Meredy didn't let their sarcasm dissuade her. "You betcha!"

Meredy heard the click of a cap and Midnight making a smooch sound with their lips. "Kiss time! Pucker up, pinkie."

Meredy inwardly rolled her eyes at the nickname. Originally given to her by Cobra but it had been adopted by the rest of their YouTuber friend group. Meredy was the only one who used her real name so she'd earned the nickname from the color she dyed her hair.

She licked her lips, weight shifting impatiently from side to side. "I'm ready to taste."

"Okay, stay still so I can maneuver this." Midnight instructed, hands going up to cup either side of her cheeks.

Meredy snorted at the dramatics. "Maneuver."

"Stay still." Midnight ordered, and pinched her cheeks a bit for emphasis, making Meredy squeak.

"Okay, okay. Jeez. Just kiss me already!" The squirming girl demanded.

"Here goes nothing."

Meredy felt a warm presence come closer, hands soft from all the sleep lotion they used, her nose picked up on the familiar scent of lavender and vanilla.

Lips pressed into hers. They were surprisingly soft, with a smooth, moist, texture that greatly opposed Meredy's own lips. Her's were almost always chapped, thanks to the lip biting habit she couldn't seem to kick.

"Is this gay?" Meredy asked, breaking from the totally platonic kiss to ask the question. Her green eyes now open and looking at the person she was collabing with.

Midnight's eyes danced, glossed lips quirked up in a sly smile. "Well I'm they-them right now, so not technically."

Meredy shrugged, looking at the camera with a; whatcha gonna do? face. "Good enough for me." Then she went back to "tasting" their sweet, sweet, lips.

Meredy pushed insistently into Midnight's mouth, wanting to get as much flavor as possible, because she was determined to win.

It tasted like chocolate... the flavor reminded her of the bags of tootsie rolls her mom bought in bulk when Halloween rolled around. A green bowl decorated with comedic witches would be left on the porch for trick or treaters, filled almost to the brim with the sweet treats.

They finally broke away and Meredy's eyes fluttered open, to see Midnight's staring at her. "So?" They asked. "What do you think it is?"

"Hmm." Meredy hummed, and licked her lips as a chance to gain excess flavor. "I'm gonna say... tootsie rolls."

"Ha! You thought! It's Reece's."

"What? No way!" Meredy exclaimed and Midnight handed her the tube as proof.

The chapstick inside was an orange color, something you wouldn't originally peg as tasting chocolate-y.

"Looks like that makes zero points for you." Midnight snickered, and plucked the chapsticks from her hands.

Meredy's mouth fell open in outrage, and she glared at the supposedly Reece's flavored chapstick. "There's not any peanut butter in that shit."

"Yeah, well it's my turn now." Midnight closed their eyes, showing off their perfectly blended purple-black eyeshadow. "Go ahead and show me up."

Meredy scowled at them, even though they couldn't see it, and hauled the BMO baginto her lap. She looked at the assortment of chapsticks, different soda and candy flavored mixed together.

Her green eyes fixated on a chapstick's label. She grinned, they'll never guess this one.

She fished it out of the bag. "Here we are." and held it up to the camera so the viewers could see the words written in curly script across the bright background, Fanta flavored.

"I'm waiting." Midnight sang and Meredy flipped them off with her free hand, the other busy apply the chapstick.

"I flipped you off just so you know." She told them, remembering they couldn't see her rude hand gestures.

Midnight only laughed.

"Okay. Coming in." Meredy leaned forwards, it felt weird keeping her eyes open for a kiss. Like it said in that bruno mars song, your eyes aren't supposed to be open when you kiss someone. She kept a hand gripping Midnight's shoulder to kept them steady as she neared, their noses nearly brushing.

Then she stopped, and started giggling.

Midnight frowned, but kept their eyes shut. "Why are you laughing? Did something happen?"

"No! I just- I don't know." Meredy let her head drop onto Midnight's shoulder. "It's weird."

"Your the only weird one here." Midnight said tartly, arms crossing over their chest.

"Okay, okay." Meredy smacked her cheeks, once, twice. Psyching herself up. "Coming in for real this time."

"Don't worry. I'll just be here. Waiting for you to get it together." Midnight replied, the essence of sarcasm and emo-ness.

"Oh, hush you." Meredy shushed, taking their face in her hands, and kissing them.

Midnight pressed in, just as determined as Meredy was before, wanting to win the challenge. The privilege of holding their victory over their friend's head a greatly coveted prize.

Their mouths moved against each other until Midnight was satisfied with their thorough testing and pulled away.

They licked their lips, heavily shadowed eyes still closed. "Is it... Fanta?"

"How on earth did you guess that right?" Meredy threw her hands up in the air, frustrated with the unfairness.

Midnight smirked, their ruby red eyes opening. Meredy was never able to figure out if they were natural or not. "I guess I'm just better at this than you are."

"Or maybe I'm just a better kisser." She shot back hotly.

"Bitch, please!" Midnight exclaimed, playfully affronted with a hand splayed on their chest.

Meredy giggled. "You know it's true!"

"Close your eyes so I can kiss you again." Midnight ordered.

Meredy closed her eyes, trying to muffle her giggles as she listened carefully to the sounds; a hand rummaging through the bag, a cap being popped off, lips smacking together.

"You ready?" Meredy asked, as she leaned in. Not an ounce of patience in her bones.

"Wait." Midnight held a hand against her shoulder to stop her. Meredy could feel their coffin styled nails against her skin. "I switched to a girl, she-her pronouns, so a kiss will definitely be gay now." She warned.

"Hell yeah! Let's get our homo on!" Meredy exclaimed, fist pumping blindly into the air.

Midnight barked a laugh, the sound sending goosebumps down Meredy's arm. "Well, I'm waiting, let's get out homo on." Midnight tapped a finger to Meredy's lips and she pretended to try and bite it.

"Flirt." Meredy snipped then leaned in to to kiss her.

Their mouths moved against each once more, Meredy pushed in, tongue swiping for a taste. She kept her eyes closed. Tasting the sour, fruity, flavor, her hands buried in Midnight's black and white hair. The kiss lasted longer than the other ones, but eventually they had to come up for air and the two girls faces' separated.

"Wow, Meredy." Midnight sounded impressed. "Were you trying to eat me?"

"Just wanted to get a better taste this time." Meredy felt pretty confident in her guess, but with all the different flavors, her odds weren't one hundred percent. "Im guessing, green apple."

"Correct!" Midnight applauded and Meredy let out a cry of victory. "It was green apple, skittles. Taste the rainbow."

Meredy gasped, eyes widened in awe. "The chapstick knew!"

Midnight shrugged her shoulders. "Must've been from sapphic power or something."

"SAPPHIC POWER!" Meredy exclaimed, springing up into the air.

Midnight echoed the cheer, raising the skittles chapstick in the air. "Sapphic power, motherfuckers!"

Meredy's phone buzzed, the nyan cat ringtone slicing through the air with its high pitched meows. Midnight's phone vibrated as well, but her phone had been on silent since 2009 so it wasn't much of a surprise. Meredy followed the trend, picking up her phone and turning her ringer off so their live stream wouldn't be interrupted again.

She looked at the screen to see a text from Racer on their group chat. She read it out loud. [omg yall r so fuckin gay]

Midnight scoffed. "No shit."

"We're sapphic." Meredy corrected.

"And occasionally gay." Midnight added on, scrolling through her own text messages. Then suddenly she laughed. "Dude, Cobra's pissy I nominated him. Like super pissy."

Meredy looked over her shoulder at the texts on Midnight's screen, the phone protected by her Victor Nikiforov case, a gift from Angel during last years' secret Santa.

The screen was covered in a barrage of angry texts from Cobra, in all caps, one text bubble comprised only of middle finger emojis.

Midnight started to read them aloud and Meredy clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing at the montoneous way Midnight read Cobra's rage filled texts. A comedic experience for their viewers. [NO WAY IN HELL AM I DOING THAT! IF SOMEONE WANTS A KISS THEY CAN BUY ME DINNER FIRST]

Midnight looked up at the camera like she was on the office. "Well, someone's grumpy."

"Don't take it personally. Him and Jellal just need to bone." Meredy patted Midnight's shoulder, a gesture of comfort.

Midnight's cheeks puffed up and she turned to the side and 'coughed' into her fist. Yup, they were both dead.

"Oh would you look at that. Some more middle finger emojis from our dear friend Cobra." Midnight drawled sarcastically. "And a suggestion about what hole I should shove my phone up. Such articulate language."

"Lemme see." Meredy swiped the phone from her and started to scroll, reading carefully through the numerous texts, all containing lots of profanity and crude emojis.

Angel sent a gif over the group chat of an olden day cartoon Mickey Mouse angrily dunking donuts in his tea. [This is Cobra rn]

Meredy snickered and quickly texted her back. [IT IS LMAO] She turned to her collab partner. "Midnight come look at this-"

She was asleep.

Sitting up, her head lolling to the side, arms still crossed as Midnight snored away. You could almost imagine the cartoon-like Z's above her head.

"Oh, come on!" Meredy crouched down and snapped her fingers into front of the girls face, "MIDNIGHT!"

She didn't even flinch.

Meredy sighed heavily, standing back up, hands propped up on her hips. She looked back at the still streaming camera. "Well looks like that's the end of this video." Meredy laughed nervously, tucking a stray bubble gum curl behind her ear. "Thanks for watching this challenge! I'll see ya next time!"

With that she closed the camera, shutting the device off. Well that was fun while it lasted. Meredy really loved her job, even if some people made fun of it, hell even she made fun of it sometimes.

The pink haired girl looked back at her snoozing friend and an idea popped into her head.

She grabbed one of her sparkle gel pens and popped off the cap. This was gonna be fun.

Angel woke up to see some very interesting pictures on her Instagram's dash.

One was of Meredy over Midnight, a glitter pen in hand. Midnight's face was decorated in sparkly pink graffiti ink. A circle around one eye, a colored in button nose and kitty whiskers on their cheeks. 'Meredy wuz here' inked written out on their forehead, black bangs pushed back so you could see. The caption below it read [ya snooze ya lose].

The white haired woman snorted, then double tapped the screen, her manicured nail making a clicking sound against the screen as she left a like, then a comment, [Ha ha! Way to go Meredy!] she even went as far as to add some clapping emojis.

Angel scrolled down, idly grabbing her bedside drink off the table, taking a sip- and nearly spewing it back out when she saw the picture on Midnight's page.

It was a picture of them in front of an open freezer, with a blue and white poka-dot bra inside it. Midnight's face grinned up at her, hand making a thumbs up. [REVENGE], read the caption.

Oh dear, thought Angel, the prank wars are starting up again.

Last time the war had only ended when Cobra 'accidentally' poisoned Racer and he had to be taken to the emergency room.

Angel quickly stood up and shimmied off to go set some booby traps. She wouldn't wanna be caught unaware.

Spurred on by Meredy and Midnight's kissing collab; Prank war 2.0, had begun.

* * *

Crime Sorciere and pranks wars is a thing. You cannot convince me other wise. I got a little carried away with this fic but it's Meredy and Midnight so can you blame me? I love CS so much.

I hope I did alright in portraying Midnight as gender fluid. I did some quick google research in trying to make Midnight's gender fluidity accurate, but if I got something wrong I apologize.

Thanks for reading! And don't hesitate to leave a request or a review about what you thought of the fic!


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